It’s days like today that make me sad the test was negative. Really? I spent all my free time the past two weeks thinking of and working on a present for u. A present that even though I tried really hard isn’t as good as I would have liked. I’m here for 5 minutes and I’ve already ruined the day because I forgot to say something. Fuck that. I need my own family. This is unbelievable, I did nothing wrong except come home. Maybe that was a mistake. Guess I’ll remember that for next time.
Ocean air and confusing thought
Driving by the beach always brings me back to my childhood. The smell makes me feel serene, relaxed, an just content with life… If only I could bottle it up and carry it with me.
On another note, my friend is pregnant. Not one of my best friends but we are definitely acquaintances and were friends at one point. And I’m kinbof excited for her even though I know she must be terrified, awkward tht I’m not supposed to know but I do and I want to say something and let her know I’m here for her… Not tht she needs me to be. And I’m slightly jealous, not of what she is going through or how everyone is and will be reacting but when I see her belly and she’s starting to show I can’t help but wish I was in her shoes. I would never get pregnant on purpose or in college I jut can’t wait until its the right time and I can be a mom. Does that make me crazy? Idk but it’s how I feel and I’m jut trying to figure out if I should say something or keep to myself. These are new situations for me
If I was every looking for a reason to start the cycle again u just gave it to me. Let’s see how strong we’ve actually become
People are rediculous. Makes me so mad
An eating disorder isn’t about attention, if thats what it is then its not real and just a little secret… The real deal isn’t something you tell people or make light of or bring up in casual conversation. Just stop, it’s not something to be made light of, people DIE everyday because of it… Would u make light of cancer, yup thought so.
